Scoot's Spoopy Spooptober Movie Review Thread

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Furious
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Scoot's Spoopy Spooptober Movie Review Thread

Post by Furious »

Let's be honest - - I critic movies more better than my dad and he's a big chicken so I wanna watch and review the 13 scariest movies EVAR!

...

uhh i'm gonna need some suggestions :roll:
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Re: Scoot's Spoopy Spooptober Movie Review Thread

Post by Ophelia's Vengeance »

Hmm... scariest?

Perhaps Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Hellraiser, and Candyman to start you off.
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Re: Scoot's Spoopy Spooptober Movie Review Thread

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Furious wrote: Sat Sep 11, 2021 2:33 am Let's be honest - - I critic movies more better than my dad and he's a big chicken so I wanna watch and review the 13 scariest movies EVAR!

...

uhh i'm gonna need some suggestions :roll:
You are SO not getting your account approved, ya little brat! :P

And stop using -my- account!
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Re: Scoot's Spoopy Spooptober Movie Review Thread

Post by Furious »

Ophelia's Vengeance wrote: Sat Sep 11, 2021 3:33 pm Hmm... scariest?

Perhaps Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Hellraiser, and Candyman to start you off.
Scoot: Stole dad's debit card and I'm gonna see Millivilent tonight. Have my fake beard ready so I look old enough ta pass the apathetic ticket taker. *clever*
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Re: Scoot's Spoopy Spooptober Movie Review Thread

Post by Furious »

Scoot: This movie is NOT part of my Spoopy Spooptober because I was very brave and did not pee my pants once. I'm still reviewing it. :P

Furi: Adding insult to injury, I just realized I could have watched this on HBOMax for free... :roll:


Malignant
Rating of Scoot: POOP

The Alien Resurrection of Seattle horror movies

Woo this one is another stinker. Maybe not as bad as that House of Vampires disaster (because nothing is that bad. NOTHING!). The movie itself has schizophrenia and doesn’t know if it wants to be an edgy indie horror flick or le spoopy comedie and flip-flops between the subgenres. Save for ONE jumpscare (which was shown in the trailers and it still got me; DIDN'T PEE MYSELF) Malignant isn’t scary or creepy, so it flunks as a horror film and is more of a stretched out Tales from the Darkside episode.

I gotta say, if Seattle cops and medical staff are really as incompetent as they’re portrayed in Malignant, why does anyone live there? Literally an entire police precinct opens fire on the monster and everyone misses. And the health care system? Let’s just say that the opening scene of the “hospital” will remind you of the beginning of Aqua Teen Hunger Force with the mad scientist screaming “GENTLEMEN!” followed by a goofy mini-skit.

The movie then switches to A24 edgy indy mode for a bit and pays a little too much homage to Gore Verbowski’s The Ring. Creepy girl with long black hair, batsh*t family issues, weird walking monster, ‘innocents’ getting murdered, etc.. I’m only 5 and I figured out what was really happening and I bet you’d be able to too. About 2/3rds of the way through, Malignant transmogrifies into a cheesefest and the monster reveal is… magically ridiculous. I mean Matrix-level ridiculous (speaking of which a trailer of the new Matrix movie plays before Malignant; it looks craptastic so I must go see it).

Malignant is the horror movie you take a date to (not scary, little gory but not too bad, and NO BOOBIES :( ), but it’s POOP. Maybe if you have a foot fetish it’s worth a watch because in edgy indy horror mode everyone who gets whacked in Malignant is barefoot and there’s an over-choreographed CGI spin around the protagonist’s feet. *shrugs*
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Re: Scoot's Spoopy Spooptober Movie Review Thread

Post by Furious »

My list so far:

The Blair Witch Project
The Strangers
The Conjuring 2


This is tougher than you think because movies like The Shining aren't scary no more because I watched them so many times. I'm looking for films that give me that NOPE vibe when i'm searching at 2am... Begotten and the 1931 Dracula come to mind.
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Re: Scoot's Spoopy Spooptober Movie Review Thread

Post by Furious »

edited from a craptastic phonepost for more better illegibilty

Scoot:
Watched The Wizard of Oz last night. That tornado part in the beginning scared me when I was younger (not like now I'm BRAVE). Looking at the film through 21st century eyes, I noticed a few thingers...

All the witches are evil.
The good witch of the north could have told Darfy how to get home in the beginning, but didn't. She used Darfy to kill the west witch just as much as the wizard! AND since she can control the weather (snow onna poppy fields) AND the tin man got caught in the RAIN at a convenient point next to the road AND she could kill the aqua-allergic west witch with a spring shower at any time WITHOUT Darfy's help, AND somehow a freak tornado dropped Darfy's house on the east witch, i don't think the north witch is a nice lady. Also, there's no mention of the south witch, who is noticeably absent (or dead) in the Oz transfer of power.

Where was the wizard taking Darfy?
The wizards a con man who can do two things: (1) read people and (b) spin people into believing/doing what he wants. The wizards promises to take Darfy home in a balloon that he kept for when he 'needed to make a quick getaway', like when people realize he has no real power. Well that just happened. He also admits he has no idea how to operate the balloon, making any chance of getting home (unless he made a deal with the north witch) impossible. So... um... where was he planning on taking a none-too-bright teenager and her dog? Hrmm... and that brings up the next item-

Darfy is the sucker born every minute.
This girl can't control her dog; it got her into the mess with the witchy neighbor. Darfy runs away from home just before a tornado hits (cmon Darf, you didn't see anything weird looking in the sky?). The carny man cons her big time (the "mind reading" bit). The brainless scarecrow solves at least two of her problems. The wizard fools her multiple times. The west witch punks her (Auntie Em in the crystal ball). The personalities that troll her in the real world to run away troll her in Oz to go home (except for the carny man/wizard, who does the opposite). And, AND-

Toto is gonna die
Assuming everything from when Darfy received a CTE at the window to when she wakes up in bed was a dream, the witchy neighbor lady is still alive and is still going to put Toto to sleep for biting her. Poor pupper. :|
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Re: Scoot's Spoopy Spooptober Movie Review Thread

Post by Furious »

Wizard of Oz - NOPE even though it scared me silly when i was a big chicken baby

The Orphanage - makes the list
[REC] (Spanish version who's name i'm probably forgetting) - mmmaybe
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Re: Scoot's Spoopy Spooptober Movie Review Thread

Post by Ophelia's Vengeance »

Wizard of Oz gets fun if you put it on mute and play Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon along side it.
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Re: Scoot's Spoopy Spooptober Movie Review Thread

Post by Furious »

I don't think it's a good idea watching Ray Bolger dislocate his limbs dancing while a song confirms there's a lunatic in my head. My brain still hasn't recovered from watching The Shining reversed and superimposed over a playing of The Shining. :shock:
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