This movie is NOT part of my Spoopy Spooptober because I was very brave and did not pee my pants once. I'm still reviewing it.
Adding insult to injury, I just realized I could have watched this on HBOMax for free...
Rating of Scoot: POOP
Alien Resurrection of Seattle horror movies
Woo this one is another stinker. Maybe not as bad as that House of Vampires
disaster (because nothing is that bad. NOTHING!). The movie itself has schizophrenia and doesn’t know if it wants to be an edgy indie horror flick or le spoopy comedie
and flip-flops between the subgenres. Save for ONE jumpscare (which was shown in the trailers and it still got me; DIDN'T PEE MYSELF) Malignant
isn’t scary or creepy, so it flunks as a horror film and is more of a stretched out Tales from the Darkside
I gotta say, if Seattle cops and medical staff are really as incompetent as they’re portrayed in Malignant
, why does anyone live there? Literally an entire police precinct opens fire on the monster and everyone misses.
And the health care system? Let’s just say that the opening scene of the “hospital” will remind you of the beginning of Aqua Teen Hunger Force
with the mad scientist screaming “GENTLEMEN!” followed by a goofy mini-skit.
The movie then switches to A24 edgy indy mode for a bit and pays a little too much homage to Gore Verbowski’s The Ring
. Creepy girl with long black hair, batsh*t family issues, weird walking monster, ‘innocents’ getting murdered, etc.. I’m only 5 and I figured out what was really happening and I bet you’d be able to too. About 2/3rds of the way through, Malignant
transmogrifies into a cheesefest and the monster reveal is… magically ridiculous. I mean Matrix
-level ridiculous (speaking of which a trailer of the new Matrix
movie plays before Malignant
; it looks craptastic so I must go see it).
Malignant is the horror movie you take a date to (not scary, little gory but not too bad, and NO BOOBIES
), but it’s POOP
. Maybe if you have a foot fetish it’s worth a watch because in edgy indy horror mode everyone who gets whacked in Malignant
is barefoot and there’s an over-choreographed CGI spin around the protagonist’s feet. *shrugs*